Friday, April 23, 2004

Friday Bitch Blogging

That's what I am, after all, Henrietta the Hound, the Queen of all dogs and definitely a female. Today I want to talk about us other animals. You humans are treating this earth like one big concentration camp for us, and the only reservations you have about this is whether it might harm you in the end. Of course it will harm you, you stupid leg-lacking idiots!

You believe that your god has made us so that you have convenient non-perishable stores of food and entertainment, and now your mad Doktor Mengeles are recreating new species by combining genes from different animals. Why? To make pigs that crap less! To make goats and cows whose milk is like human milk! To make pet fishes that glow pink in the dark! And all this is quite safe, of course, as long as the fishes don't escape or goats start working on the computers.

Well, how does it feel to play god? Come to think of it, don't tell me. I don't want to know. In any case, what the Doctor Mengeles say is that it's all for the benefit of humankind (not for the benefits of bitches or dogs, naturally), and that humans have always been tinkering with nature, or that humans are just following the lead of Mother Nature here. Right! The 'tinkering' humans have done with dogs has given us dogs so small that they can't give birth naturally, dogs so large that they die at the ripe age of six and dogs with such large heads and short noses that they die of respiratory problems. And humans follow in the footsteps of Mother Nature as a dingleberry follows the butt of Hank the Lab.

Ok, now that I've gotten this off my chest (and what a handsome and deep chest it is!), I admit that the readers of the snake goddess aren't that bad, that calling researchers Mengeles is a tad exaggerated, and that I probably should rave and rant elsewhere. But the Little Green Footballs banned me and Instapundit can't be broken in, and the mainstream media completely ignores me. Even the goddess threatens me with exclusion from this silly blog if I don't try to write more sunny.

Sunny: It was sunny yesterday. It rained today, and I was soaked through this morning, though I scared a respectable number of squirrels and rooks. Is that sunny enough for you?

Henrietta the Hound