Thursday, June 17, 2004

On Heat - As Translated by the Shizzolator

You can compare this to the original version below. I think this one is loads better than the original.

It has been hella hot here today, hot 'n humid, know what I'm sayin'? There should be an equivalent expression that one we use 'bout da sort of cold that doesn't seem that bad when yo' ass go out, but which lodges in yo' hella bones 'n sends shivers out fo' hours afterwards: bone-chilling cold." Nothing can get yo' ass warm then, nothing n' shit. Fo' Real cold doesn't act that sneakily, that shiznit either freezes 'n kills yo' ass outright or not at izzall, know what I'm sayin'? It's da bone-chilling damp cold that does real damage, know what I'm sayin'?

What I has experienced today is bone-boiling heat 'n humidity." I didn't feel that hot outside; I even spent an hour in da garden." But I has been suffering ever since from deep internal simmering 'n boiling, 'n cold showers do nothing stop that shiznit." My skin is bomb diggity touch, but my eyes look like they are turning into marbles, 'n when I breathe out yo' ass can see flames, know what I'm sayin'? Well, yo' ass can imagine flames." As I'm not related dragons, as far as I know, this state is not a natural one n' shit.

This is probably why we be like that animals are in heat when they suffer in da throes of severe sexual frustration n' shit. It gots feel like this: a burning yo' ass can't slake, a boiling that will slowly turn yo' ass into cinders n' shit. Poor things."

I can now sympathize wit some other phrases, too, like 'in da heat of da battle', know what I'm sayin'? It's not 'bout sweating because of lifting a heavy sword 'bout as I used think; that shiznit's 'bout this deep heat which makes yo' ass want crack something open n' shit. But I will never again want be called a hottie; never, know what I'm sayin'?