Wednesday, January 12, 2005

The Blackwellian World?

When I saw the title on Salon, I thought the story was about the Republican Kenneth Blackwell who prides himself for Bush's election victory. (Interpret that as you may.) But it wasn't! It's a totally different Blackwell, and it's about something mysterious to me: The Worst Dressed Woman Awards. I didn't know that these awards existed:

Nicollette Sheridan of TV's "Desperate Housewives" is the worst of the worst when it comes to wardrobe, according to Mr. Blackwell's annual list of fashion winners and losers.

"In barely-there bombs, she's a taste-free pain. Let's crown her the Tacky Temptress of Wisteria Lane," he wrote in a statement released Tuesday.

Lindsay Lohan was the next target of the acid-tongued critic, who called the starlet "over-hyped and under-dressed."

However, Blackwell gave kudos to "fabulous fashion independents" Nicole Kidman, Natalie Portman, Barbara Walters, Kate Winslet, Annette Bening, Oprah Winfrey, Scarlett Johansson, Gwen Stefani, Jennifer Garner and Sheridan's on-screen nemesis Teri Hatcher.

Are there other interesting competitions like this? For example, the Republican with the biggest crackerjaw? Or the person with the piggiest eyes in politics? I doubt it. Men are allowed to have crackerjaws and terrible ties and even dandruff, so these competitions would be limited to women in politics, and there aren't enough of them for even a short list of winners.

All this is written by someone who wears scales so there might be something to all this appearance-policing that I don't quite get. But it seems a scary thing to me: women in the public space must now worry about how their scarves match their earrings and stuff. That takes a lot of energy and delays the revolution by some further decades.

Actually, I know it's all a joke, but I still would like to know what Mr. Blackwell wears, too.