Friday, December 09, 2005

My Deadly Sins

This is my weekend sermon for all of you wonderful readers, so that you can feel better by hearing how poorly I am doing in the virtue-department.

The seven deadly sins are pride, envy, gluttony, lust, anger, greed and sloth. I do excellently in all of them as you can see from the following confession:

1. Pride. I am full of sinful pride, pride about this blog, pride about my shining scales and my wonderful dogs, pride about being a goddess even if minor. I'm proud of being sane in an insane world, and proud of not being overly arrogant about my wonderfulness.

2. Envy. Yes, I'm green with envy. When I drive past a nearby area of McMansions I simmer in envy. When I read all those bloggers who write like angels and devils in one person I want them roasted and served in green curry sauce. I want them banned from the internets.

3. Gluttony. Well, me and chocolate could be used as the edifying story of gluttony. But I could do better in this department if I really tried. There must be some other food that I could get really excited about.


5. Anger. Anger is a good friend of mine. For a long time I believed in all that crap about feminine virtues, about avoiding anger and about turning the other cheek. Now I kind of like anger. Anger makes me write better and anger, when purified in the holy fires of righteousness, is what fuels my battles against injustice and bigotry. But it's true that anger turned inwards gnaws and gnaws until you go crazy.

6. Greed. Oh yes, greed. I'm so greedy right now. I want to have a bigger blog, a better blog, a famous blog. I want to have to wear shades for anonymity when I go outside, though the snake tail could be a giveaway. I hate my own greediness.

7. Sloth. Welcome to the Snakepit, Inc., the home of sloth. What more can I say? I really need to find someone who wants to vacuum and shovel snow and polish mirrors. But that someone is not going to be me. On the other hand, cobwebs are pretty and doghair has protein in it and life really is too short to feel guilt over every mortal sin as we will be dead soon enough even if we are sinless.

There! Now how do you do in all these categories?