Friday, August 08, 2008

Online dating (by Suzie)

         Anyone who needs reminding that people can be anyone they want to be on the Internet should try online dating. If I ever do it again, shoot me I need to put in my profile: "I enjoy investigating. Do not contact me if you have something to hide."
        One man had a long history of hiring women to act as his girlfriends, called the “girlfriend experience” in prostitution. After we broke up, I thought of sending him an invoice.
         Then there was the man who had to leave his job as a high-school teacher (and his marriage) because he wanted to continue a relationship with a 17-year-old in his class, even after her mother had taken out a restraining order. Last I heard, he was getting a degree in counseling.
          Women also lie to men, of course. But this isn't a battle of the sexes in which both teams are equal and the playing field is level. Women who lie can hurt feelings and waste time. But a lying woman is not as likely to be dangerous to a man as vice versa.  
         I dislike that most men are looking for younger women. A WaPo article says many women now want younger men. This is the hook of the article, which goes on to acknowledge that men want younger women, which is dog-bites-man.
         The article describes eHarmony: “… members are matched according to a psychological profile and personality characteristics.” I was matched with men who had nothing in common with me other than we were all carbon-based life forms.
         One site asks about your politics. Because “sort-of-radical feminist” wasn’t an option, I put “very liberal.” I quickly learned that many men read “very liberal” as “easy” or “kinky.” I had to explain to “very conservative” guys that I would never have sex with them because I was very liberal.
         In hopes of finding other progressives, I signed up at Act for Love, “the largest matchmaking site for Democratic singles.” The slogan “take action, get action” should have tipped me off that this was not the place for me. (As a feminist, I really, really don't want a man who is taking political action in hopes of getting laid.)
          In one profile, I made the mistake of answering honestly the question:  “What are you reading?” I was reading feminist philosopher Sandra Bartky’s “Femininity and Domination,” which I highly recommend. Surprisingly, I did not attract philosophers.
          Any day now, I’m becoming a political lesbian, I swear.