Wednesday, October 08, 2008

Let's Pretend

That we have been chosen as the guides and hosts of very intelligent humanoid-type alien tourists from outer space and that it's our duty to explain to them how this planet functions.

So we show these guests pictures of the earth, pointing out China as "the place where we make everything but weapons" and then we point out the U.S. as "the place where most of the weapons are created" and then we point out places in the Middle East and in Africa as "the places where we kill people more efficiently than in other places."

When they ask about the mines and the smog and so on (they ask these questions because they are MY aliens and if you don't like the questions manufacture your own aliens) and why we cut off the tops of the mountains and wallow deep inside the earth to make long tunnels we, the guides, must clarify that "no, we are not a worm-type species which needs to digest the earth and then fart it out in big dark clouds." We are simply eating up our home planet. At which point the aliens will tsk tsk in their own weird language while shaking their antennae.

We then try to explain to them why the outer shell color of people matters so much on this planet and why those individuals who can lay eggs (sorta) are regarded as second-class quality essentially everywhere while the egg-laying ability itself is lauded to high heavens. The aliens then roll all their eight eyeballs and decide to vacation on Alpha Centaur next time.

And so on. I'm sure you can add to these thoughts. The point is to step outside the little petri dishes in which we have grown up and to try to see the system from a distance. It's a fascinating way to spend time while getting your teeth cleaned, for example.