Tuesday, December 15, 2009

If I had Been A God And Not A Goddess...

I would probably have made more money. This post suggests so:

James Chartrand of Men with Pens, is not who he seems.

Chartrand has been all over the 'net for years, blogging at Copyblogger, FreelanceSwitch, FreelanceWritingGigs and basically everywhere else freelance web writers hang out.

He's a she.

She used to write under a female name, but one day:

One day, I tossed out a pen name, because I didn't want to be associated with my current business, the one that was still struggling to grow. I picked a name that sounded to me like it might convey a good business image. Like it might command respect.


Taking a man's name opened up a new world. It helped me earn double and triple the income of my true name, with the same work and service.

A proper study of this phenomenon would be most fascinating. But right now I don't want to talk about that. Instead, I will give the floor to Typhon, a guy I had a few monster kids with and some hawt sex. Other than the sex he's an idiot of the highest order. But a guy god. He will tell you how I should have written on the health care reform to be successful:

Well, hello there! Nice rack, babe. (Scratches balls meditatively, burps.) How about that health care reform, eh? Line 'em up against the wall and shoot 'em, that's what I always say. (Watches a cleavage on television flit by, scratches some more, looks right through the women in the room.)

Hey, did I tell you about that hot goat goddess, in Sparta? Do you know what those chicks do with that beard? It tickles, man, but in a goood way, if you get my meaning.

Anyhow. About that health care crap. A real man would just make them all put their kneepads on or grab their feet. Slam, bam, thank you Rahm. You take Joe's jowls and tie them into a bow. Then you go bwahahah!

You make them all your hoes and you say "jump" and then see them fly over Mount Olympus. Yup. Hey, is there any cool beer in the house? Bitches!

You gotta show them who the boss is. You gotta teach them to blog and to stand up for things, not to be all chickenlike. But they do have nice tits, mostly, and should post them more. That's how you make money. (Finds a nice, ripe boogie. Watches it before sticking it under Echidne's desk.)

OOPS! Turns out that my parody wasn't much of one.