Saturday, September 17, 2011

Dear TSA: An Underwire Bra is Not a Weapon of Mass Destruction (by res ipsa)

From the Annals of Flying With Breasts...

Okay, so I recently flew the tremendously unfriendly skies. On each leg of my journey, I was stopped, pulled aside, and maul patted down by the TSA (in full view of thousands of fellow travelers) after I set off the metal detector. In each case, the TSA called for a "female assist" at which point a female TSA agent came over to do the pat-down. On all but one occasion, the female agent seemed embarrassed at having to do the pat-down (the exception, the first woman, was an exceptionally miserable human being who can go to hell.). They explained what they were going to do before they did it and in one case, the agent apologized. They also kept telling me that this wouldn't be necessary when the TSA upgrades the software in its body scanners (although if you believe that, I've got a bridge I'd like to sell you). I am really sick of this crap. It happens every time I fly and I've already curtailed my flying because of the giant hassle that it's become.

Notes to the TSA:
  • A LOT of women wear underwire bras.
  • Underwire bras can set off a metal detector because they're made of, um, METAL.
  • Underwire bras are not Weapons of Mass (or even Minor) Destruction (unless the end of the wire pops through the fabric and pokes you all day, but I digress...)
  • If a woman sets off a metal detector, you might want to think, "Hmm...underwire bra?" before you think, "Hmm...terrorist?"
  • Your "pat downs" are intrusive and obnoxious.
  • Last time I checked, a woman ran your operation. Would you please put the underwire bra problem on her radar? I suspect she will immediately get it.
  • How about using your fucking heads?